Jared Wilson was looking for the woman of his dreams - and what better place than the rave game show Temptation! After an extensive interview, the show's producers find this dream girl and offer her to Jared - but will he take her, or instead go for the cache of worldy goods offered up by the shows sponsors.
Enter Alicia Montoya, Panamanian mother of 8, with an abusive husband, and kidnapped by the show as the woman suited to him best. Jared better appreciate it, after all the trouble they went through to find her!
You'll meet the show host. Darik and Brieanne, plus four glamourous and very jealous models who show off the prizes - or are THEY the prizes? Past contestants Jason and Devon have a bizarre relationship. Are they best friends, or is there a master/slave thing going on here? Oh, and PIZZA!
Jared comes face to face with the realization that dreams might not be all their cut out to in real life... but he still has to make a choice... a choice that has consequences for everyone.
One act; Roles for 6 women, 5 men.
(At rise, we’re on a game show set called Temptation. A large sign with that title can be at the back of the stage. The four models, TARA, MARIAH, CELIA, and BARCELONA, are around it, lounging on various platforms or levels. In fact, they can initially be dressed up as part of the sign itself.)
MARIAH: (grandly, from her spot at the sign, very scripted since she does this every time the show begins.) Welcome! To the world of Temptation. America’s second most favorite game show!
BARCELONA: Welcome! To the land of fulfillment!
CELIA: (sadly, but still scripted.) Or the graveyard of broken dreams.
TARA: (getting up, with a flourish.) Please welcome the stars of Temptation: Darik (Pronounced Dah-rik.) Green, and your brand new co-host, Brieanne Wylan! (canned applause in the background, and all the girls clap too, then it settles down. TARA feels she should be co-host, and doesn’t hide it very well.)
BARCELONA: (to TARA, trying to make chatter, so it sounds scripted but we can tell it’s not.) Brieanne? Sounds like cheese, Tara!
TARA: She’s new. She could be cheesy. Who knows?
BARCELONA: Is she Swiss? Or just processed and wrapped in plastic?
BRIEANNE: (enters with DARIK, but brushes past TARA.) You’re just jealous, Tara, because you didn’t get promoted, and they found me pulling minimum wage in the camera department at Wal-Mart. You never know where talent hides these days.
TARA: (retreating to her spot by the sign.) Whatever, toots. You’re underdeveloped.
DARIK: (tossing all this off.) Yes! She was… well… tempting! And on this show, that’s what we’re all about. Temmmmmmmptation!
BRIEANNE: (smiling, very bouncy.) Right, Darik! Temptation!
BARCELONA: (imitating BRIEANNE’s “right, Darik!”) Right, Darik! I didn’t get the job because I have a brain.
CELIA: Right, Darik! Because we need more “up front!” Isn’t that what you said?
DARIK: (almost in the same tone of voice.) I see four young ladies who want to be fired.
BRIEANNE: It is tempting! Tee hee.
DARIK: (mainly to the audience, with oversized gestures.) You know the rules! Today’s contestant has a choice. He can give into temptation – (Motioning to the models.) and what temptations we have – (The models gesture to themselves as if they’re part of the temptation package.) or he can walk out of here with the woman of his dreams. Who are we tempting today, Kirk?
KIRK: (enters, bringing JARED, the contestant, like he’s a piece of meat, and puts him in a special booth or chair that’s obviously reserved for this contestant.) Thanks, Darik!
DARIK: (presenting KIRK.) Kirk Kirkpatrick! Our producer, and our announcer. (Applause.)
KIRK: Today, we have Jared Wilson, an interior designer from Falls Church, Virginia. Jared is lonely, unfulfilled, downright depressed. But he has a dream, Darik.
BRIEANNE: What kind of dream, Darik?
TARA: (TARA imitates BRIEANNE almost silently.) What kind of dream, Darik? (BRIEANNE catches it, TARA just smiles back.) Bitch!
DARIK: I know all about his dreams. We probed his lifestyle choices for the last six months. We made him keep a dream diary. We interviewed his mother.
CELIA: They checked his garbage for catalogues!
TARA: We gave him gift certificates to Sears just to see what he’d buy, and a new refrigerator stocked with a week’s supply of cantaloupe. Just to see if he ate fruit!
BARCELONA: We wanted to give him a year’s worth...
MARIAH: At once!
BARCELONA: ...but cantaloupe goes bad.
DARIK: And, after all this, we finally discovered what he wanted in the woman of his dreams! Sure, it’s not scientific, but we’ve never been wrong yet!
(The four models come forward.)
TARA: She’s pretty.
CELIA: She cooks.
MARIAH: She disappears during football season!
BARCELONA: And she’s a one-woman cleaning crew. Altogether revolting and subservient.
CELIA: (to JARED.) Pig!
BRIEANNE: (overly inquisitive, as if it’s scripted.) But Mariah, how is he going to find all those qualities in one woman?
MARIAH: Oh he can, but… it makes for one crabby lady.
TARA: Aren’t you going to introduce us, Darik? We have names, you know. Cheese girl has a name and she just got here.
DARIK: Kirk! You’re the introductions man.
KIRK: And the producer! I do both, because I have twice the ego and half the payroll! (Shows off the four women.) Your tantalizing temptresses! Tara! (He puts a hand on her and she slaps it off, and this happens with all four of them as he goes from one to the next.) Mariah! Barcelona! And Celia! You can give into them, but at what price? The price of a dream? (To DARIK.) Where did you hose up these broads, Darik? Divas “r” us?
DARIK: (going between them.) Tara, McDonalds cashier. (Dreamy.) Yes, I’d love fries with that! Mariah, had a singing career, precarious at best, blew it attempting an acting career. Barcelona? Olympic skater with a yogurt world view.
KIRK: Fruit on the bottom?
DARIK: (scandalized.) Kirk! (Shoots KIRK a look, then moves on.) And Celia? Wal-Mart camera department. She worked there before Brieanne.
BRIEANNE: (Thinks for a minute, gets angry.) That’s right. You’re the one who ruined my five by sevens. (Snooty.) Now look where I am, and look where you are.
CELIA: I made the picture dark because you’re ugly.
DARIK: Girl of his dreams! (To the models, who are getting a bit out of hand.) Move it, ladies! It’s a short show, particularly with the annoying proliferation of masculine hygiene products commercials! We searched far and wide to find exactly what Jared wants in a woman. Very far, and very wide.
BRIEANNE: Finally, we found her; a poor peasant woman living – if you could call it that – in an obscure corner of Panama.
DARIK: (half humorous, and half serious.) Panama’s a small country, so it’s hard to find an obscure corner of it.
KIRK: (exits, brings on ALICIA, and sits her in a special chair at the side of the stage opposite from JARED.) Due to her job with the American military, she speaks perfect English! Meet Alicia Montoya! (Everyone claps.) The girl of his dreams!
JARED: (looks her over, not terribly impressed.) Of my dreams!
ALICIA: (she’d spit if she could.) I was brought here in chains on a slave ship.
DARIK: You’re so funny. We flew you here first class.
ALICIA: You Americans. He’s not the man of my dreams.
BRIEANNE: Well this is America! If you win him, you can change him!
MARIAH: Change him! I did that to my last three husbands. I made them too good for me, and they walked out.
DARIK: (upbeat to ALICIA, but annoyed with BRIEANNE.) Now, no changing him. If he’s a different man, you’re not the girl he wants. And after all, this is his show! You’re just an accessory.
ALICIA: Good. Then I can go back to Panama and live in poverty and misery and wait for someone to send me fifty cents and pretend it will feed me and my family of sixteen for six weeks.
BRIEANNE: You have a family of sixteen?
ALICIA: Yes! A husband, eight children and an extended family. So far, no luck changing anyone. I don’t understand what I’m doing here.
KIRK: Think of it as a study in anthropology. Nonetheless, you are the girl of his dreams!
DARIK: But, (Walking behind JARED, hands on his shoulders) can this man do what it takes to win her? To achieve fulfillment? Can he resist… temptation?!
(The four show girls waltz in front of JARED and hang all over him as DARIK moves out of their way.)
TARA: Jared! Would you like a sandwich! It’s a poor boy with horseradish mustard, just the way you like!
BARCELONA: How about a trip out on a yacht with… (Jumps in his lap, or into his arms.) Barcelona? (Jumps out.)
MARIAH: I’ll sing for you! I have a five-octave range, and it’s all above high C. (She takes a deep breath and gets ready to belt.)
JARED: Please! NO!
