There's a comedy act going on at Szara Sultrana's jazz/stand-up nightclub. But not just any comedy. This is Bimbonique, the woman with at least three college degrees, who under the laws of Demonic Heights, has been sentenced to behave as a dumb blonde as a punishment for purposefully leading on men and breaking their hearts. In Demonic Heights, they don't just put people in prison, they sentence them to live a moral retribution of the crime they've committed, be it love, murder, or what have you.
Bimbonique and her dumb blonde comedy has caught the attention of Gaylord Collin, her biggest fan, and a gay man under sentence for marrying a woman so he could hide in the closet. Gaylord's been sentenced to fall in love with a straight man as his punishment. He thinks it can't happen to him, but he forgets how in love he is with Kells Hartwig, one of the towns sexier cowboys, and as a cowboy, responsible for enforcing the town's morality as determined by sheriff Pereon Sultran. Poor Kells, though. Nobody likes him. Except Gaylord, and he's not interested.
Szara happens to be in the fortunate position of being married to Pereon, so she has the money, the power, and the firepower to enforce these sentences and make the citizens run their lives according to her whims. She plots to have Kells seduce Gaylord - on stage - and teaches him how to make love to and then spurn the man who would give all for him.
She has Kells' older brother Meath marry Promethiana, the Christian missionary who murdered 14 people when she burned down an abortion clinic. Promethiana's been sentenced to have 14 abortions to compensate for the lives she took. Meath hates her. He doesn't like Kells that much either. He does like Bimbonique, (but who doesn't?) and he especially likes the prestige that comes with being a cowboy who buys into Szara's manipulations.
Promethiana is an enigma to these people, who find Christianity to be an absurd belief and prefer to live their lives according to the writings of Aeschylus. In Aeschylus, at least as they see it, civility must conquer violence. Violence unchecked simply breeds more violence, but eventually humanity takes over and people will conquer violence with reason. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Everyone in Demonic Heights knows Aeschylus by heart, and can quote him 'chapter and verse,' but sometimes out of context.
Szara has a maid. Alta-Sita, the militant black woman who was sentenced to be her slave for trying to blow up a white owned hotel. Alta-Sita still loves Pereon. She also won't put up with her sentence, thus risking her life to fight for what she believes in.
As time goes on, Szara doesn't come off as aloof as she might seem. She has a little too much fun watching people play out their lives while she and Pereon revel in control. Bimbonique uses her stand up comedy to annoy Szara with her graphic sexual routines. Meath begins to despair of constantly aborting his and Promethiana's children. Kells sees that maybe being loved isn't so bad, even by a man. And Gaylord won't accept the fact that he can't have his dream - Kells - just because Szara says so.
At times surreal, at times graphically sexual, at times hilarious, and always thought provoking, Demonic Heights hits hard on many issues that are relevant to many of today's troubled lives and by the time it's over will make people look at things... just a little bit differently. It is a strong play that will make a lasting impression, with spectacle, costume, compelling characters, and a bizarre and imaginative storyline excellently told.
Demonic Heights was produced in November, 1999. It has parts for four men and four women.
Dialogue sample, from act one
BIMBONIQUE
Gosh, I don’t know where to begin. So much has happened to me lately. You know I had this date over, and we started fooling around, and he started, you know, eating my pussy, and a contact lens fell out and it took him an hour to find it...it was wonderful!!! Hey...do you know what steel wool and tampons have in common? (no response) Well?
GAYLORD
What?
BIMBONIQUE
(innocent) Nothing, hopefully! Well, I went to the gynecologist with a yeast in¬fection, it was really gross, and he says ‘I can fix that for you,’ and I said, ‘Oh, no, I need the bread!’ (She holds up a long loaf of French Bread. About four feet would be nice.)
SZARA
Oh please.
BIMBONIQUE
Well it’s true! But everyone has the problem. You know, Marie Antionette had a yeast infection... (no one believes her) No, she did, really! Cause when they went to her and said (French accent) “Madame, ze pesánts cannot afford bread to eat” she just said, well, (holds up the loaf) let them eat pusseeeeeee!
SZARA
(cuts her off) Bimbonique, you’re making me puke!
BIMBONIQUE
(open mouthed, with a real quizzical look) Well you’re the one who’s making me do this!
SZARA
You’ve totally ruined the sexual experience for me. You’ve made the whole thing entirely meaningless.
BIMBONIQUE
Oh, really? You know, that’s a common problem among a lot of women. In fact, before my sentence was passed, I was going to go back for my second doctorate, and that was what my thesis was going to be: Women, Sexuality, and Pornography...COLON... (makes a colon with her fingers and clucks out two dots.) The Trivialization...of the American....(sits on the stage and crosses her legs.)...Vagina.
SZARA
Oh, I just can’t stand it. (GAYLORD breaks out laughing for a bit) Shut up! Bimbonique! CHANGE THE SUBJECT! One more pussy joke and I’m going to...
BIMBONIQUE
(getting up; she’s on a roll) Okay... Let me tell you about my attempted con¬version to Christianity.
SZARA
Church, you mean?? Now I won’t have you talking anything Christian.
BIMBONIQUE
Oh, this was before we came here...we were all converting to Catholicism. My dad wanted to, you know, (real off the cuff) he said if anybody needed a per¬sonal savior I did...and so we were taking communion, and the priest said “Here, drink the blood of Christ,” and the wine was really awful, everybody just hated it, so my dad says, “Blood? It’s more like his urine!” And the priest got real mad, and thennnn.... Father Bumpers said there was a miracle in the church because the there were tears coming from the eyes of the statue of the Virgin, and my brother said, “If I was a virgin, I’d be weeping, too!” so they kicked us out, and my dad said if they had no sense of humor, then we won’t join the church after all. And that’s when we moved to Demonic Heights.
GAYLORD
Is that true?
BIMBONIQUE
Of course it’s true! As a comic, I draw on real life experiences. In fact, you know how I got this way, don’t you? I mean, being a comic...and all. I want to be serious for a minute. (she sits on the stage and takes off the wig.) When I was in college I had this girlfriend, and one day, she showed me her closet door was full of ticket stubs from top to bottom...of concerts she went to. Just about every rock star who came through the town. And we’re not talking up¬per balcony. We’re talking about thousands of dollars worth of concert tickets! And she said, “This is really my whole life. If I die tomorrow, I want to be re¬membered as the one who went to the most concerts of anybody at the col¬lege.”
And I thought, “Well, wow, what a lofty ambition. To be known as a perennial camp follower.” And I was doing the same thing, but I thought right then and there “I don’t want that to happen to me! I want to be the one peo¬ple go see!” That’s when I started playing comedy in clubs, to help pay for my education and all. It picked up...and I was happy with it, because it was always a goal in my life to make something of myself...to be a woman who people re¬spected. I think too many women are like barnacles.
They cling to a man like a mussel clings to the side of a boat and go wherever men take them. I just de¬cided I didn’t want to be like that. And I guess they couldn't handle it, or I wouldn’t be in the position I’m in now. See, it takes a long time for people to love you just for who you are. There’s all sorts of easier reasons, and maybe more legitimate ones at that. Aeschylus says love is what eventually makes the world come together, makes the ground fertile, and what civilizes us in the long run. Maybe that’s why his plays are so violent.
But we never give up hope, and maybe by not being who I am, maybe it will be easier for some to love me that way. Most of us can’t be who we are in front of anybody, anyway. What I’m acting out here at Szara Sultrana’s, well, it’s really the same sentence passed on all of us.
(Stage goes dark, a musical interlude follows as time passes..when the lights come up low, SZARA is still at the pi¬ano, GAYLORD and BIMBONIQUE are at the table in their usual places. KELLS enters...he’s dressed different, he’s got on a real good looking outfit, I envision dark brown, fringe leather jacket, chaps, a nice hat, new boots, maybe some jewelry, a really together outfit. Spare no expense, should there be a budget...He stands there for awhile, looks at SZARA, she nods to give him the go ahead. He goes to BIMBONIQUE takes her out of her chair, and has GAYLORD get up and sit there, she takes his old chair. He comes up to the front of the stage, more to the right, in a bit of a spotlight, not looking at GAYLORD, facing front, but talking to him. He’s got to carry this off with no hint of treachery, as serious as if he really means it.)
KELLS
(humble, lookin’ down, lookin’ away...he takes out the book, shakes his head, and puts it back in his jacket.) Gaylord...ya’ listening to me, ain’t ya?
GAYLORD
Yeah.
KELLS
I don’t know how to say it...you know sometimes how it is, sometimes a man gets to feelin’ something for another man an’ he just don’t know if he should say anything about it or not. It’s hard enough to admit it to himself, he kinda starts feelin’ bad, wonderin’ if he should be ashamed or something....and me bein’ a cowboy an’ all, you get to wonderin’ what’s people gonna say, if they’re gonna think of you as less than the man you say you are...
I know you ain’t got no reason to trust me, after all I done to you. You prob¬ably won’t believe me if I say I been thinkin’ about you for so long. But that’s why I done what I done. Just facin’ it an’ all, just thought if I could keep you away from me I wouldn’t have to deal with it...and now I guess I done ruined everything there is for me.
You think you could trust me, Gaylord?
GAYLORD
You’re a cowboy...how can I believe you?
KELLS
I don’t figure you would. I don’t figure a handsome cuss like you’d have a place in his heart for a ‘ol poor cowboy like me. Don’t figure at all. You lookin’ so good, prob’ly can get anyone you want. Don’t figure I’d be lucky enough to be the one. But it’s all I can hope for, you know, hopin’ for a man I care about, that maybe he’d have some kinda feelin’ for me. I asked myself should I keep it in, or just ask, just ask if you might have a chance of feelin’ for me what I feel for you.
GAYLORD
A chance I do...but...I have a sentence you know...
KELLS
(more excitable) This ain’t no sentence. You gonna make fun of a poor man barin’ his heart for the first time in his life? Baring his heart to someone he done treated like a cad and hopin’ he’ll understand why! Just hopin’ for all these nights. Look, I bought all these new clothes just so’s I’d look decent for you. I ain’t go no money to do it with, you know that. You know how I live.
But if it’ll get me just one night with you...man I know I’m blowin’ it, ain't I? I don’t think I’d have it in me to do this again. Once my heart’s broke from the first time really usin’ it, that’s all. I was just hopin’ if you’d understand it and maybe pay me a little attention the way one man does to another when he likes him then maybe it wouldn’t be so broke.
GAYLORD
I want to. You know I have feelings for you. I just don’t know if I can trust you.
KELLS
You can trust me. Even bein’ a cowboy I couldn’t do this. Only so much you can do, and me bein’ new at it and all. That’s what I was talking about to Ms. Szara that one time, askin’ her whether I should tell you all I feel for you, an’ she said a man needs to be true to hisself... (pause) I love you, Gaylord Collin. I have for a long time. I hope I don’t have to walk away here, all dressed like this then for no reason, for no good reason, nohow.
GAYLORD
Wish I could be convinced. I have to guard my own heart. Though I have lead others astray myself. “You can praise or blame me as you wish; it is all one to me.” It would kill me though, to say I love you now and have you laugh at me later.
KELLS
I would never laugh at you. Spendin’ my whole life bein’ laughed at. Goin’ through lookin’ for love, respect from people who never have plans for throwin’ any of it my way, and here I’m steppin’ all over the only one who might care. And hatin’ myself for doin’ it. It’s no wonder they don’t respect me, if I can’t even act like who I am... Ain’t you gonna say something? Believe me? Or not, I can’t carry this around too much longer. Can’t bear not knowin’ if I’m gonna live a happy man or just go back to my trailer...alone...like always, wishin’ you were there for me. Wishin’ all the time and never sayin’ nothin’ to let you know. Just never supposed you could feel for me as much as I do feel for you. Please, Gaylord, can you?
GAYLORD
You know I want to. I’m afraid.
KELLS
You don’t need to be. Come here. You can get up. (GAYLORD gets up; KELLS meets him halfway and lays on a real Hollywood kiss. Let’s not get squeamish, if we haven’t offended the audience by now we’re not going to. If there's a municipal/legal hassle just do something else. GAYLORD is as¬tounded and wipes a sleeve across an open mouth.) I do mean it. (He pulls out his bandana) This be awful pretty to have to use it to wipe away my tears...we could use it maybe to wipe away something else. Yeah, we could, you know.
GAYLORD
(almost under a spell) I do love you, Kells Hartwig. More than anything. I will go with you.
KELLS
Ain’t nothin’ wrong with makin’ a poor cowboy happy, really.
